I'll be straightforward for once. Or rather, for a few times... Or maybe, this is one of the many times... BAH! I AM going to be straightforward! HAHA!

Well nothing to be angry about, or no one to flame at, but I just want to tell you how stressed out and tough it is to be a leader. I have never felt this way for very long. I have never expected myself to face so many problems. I have never thought that it'll be this hard. Maybe, it was easier when the CG was small, but now, I can't deny that we're no longer small and new any more. :)

I used to think that the most important thing as a leader that most lack, or even as a strong and on-fire christian, is favour with men. Many do not have, but those who do go far in their walk with God, especially in the area of their leadership. Yes, everything rises and falls on leadership, but it seemed like the foundation of that leadership was mostly authority rather than influence.

Leadership IS influence, NOT authority, and as I grew as a new leader (again), I always kept that in my heart, and determined that I shall always lead people by my influence more than my authority. That's what my pastors do. That's why in Heart of God church, there's true freedom, and we never go further than education and empowerment. That's why I love my pastors, and I knew that's the same kind of favour I need among people in order to be influential.

However, I realised it's more than just favour that we need as we grow as christian leaders.

1) More than just favour, we need RESPECT.

"We cannot please everyone. Therefore I don't want everybody to like me, but rather I want everybody to respect me." These were the powerful words of my pastor when he talked about how we should please God and serve man, not the other way round.

Respect, and nothing less. I hate it when people are disrespected; I hate it when I see someone seen lesser than they should be seen in any way. I don't care who you are, but I am who I am too, and you'd better not push me around. That's the kind of convictions and character that we need to have. I AM WHO I AM. When you're confident and secure in who you are, people will respect you even if they don't like you. Insecurity may get people's attention and even their favour, but it never makes you respectable in the end.

2) More than just favour, we need TRUST.

A great leader once said that relationships are built on trust. How true is that! No relationship can last without trust, whether is it with family, friends, or even your spouse. If you won't trust me, I won't know you. I can never have any kind of relationship with you, or needless to say, even influence you.

There are people who trust too easily, and many say it's bad thing. Well, I'm one of those people, and I don't see it that way. I'd rather trust and believe in people who may not be that trustworthy, and letting myself be vulnerable to feeling hurt or disappointed, than never giving people a chance. I always believe in the people in E8, because I see each and every one of their potential, and I know God has a great plan for every individual life. That's where my trust comes from. It is trust that releases faith in someone, knowing that he or she is being believed in and supported. It is trust that my pastors and leaders had with me, that brought me to where I am today. It is trust from people, that probably you are where you are today. Trust God, trust pastors, your leaders, your CG, and damn it, believe in them like how they do in you!

3) More than just favour, we need SUPPORT.

"Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you." (Hebrews 13:17)

Let your leaders lead you with joy, and not with grief. I am always very touched when my leaders tell me that I'm a joy to lead, very much because of my revelation of this verse. Yes, share the burden of your leaders and support them, and not be the burden. One thing I never want to be to my pastors and leaders right now is a burden to them.

As we experience this season in life, and grow to a new level in God, change is necessary. Personally for me, I used to think favour is important. However, it's not as important whether you like me now, as it is to whether you respect, trust and even want to support me as your leader. E8, we are growing, we are moving on, and we are breaking through to greater heights in God. I NEED people who can not only respect me, believe in me or even share the burden with me, but also do the same for my pastors and leaders, because ultimately, I'm doing it for them. I respect them, I trust them, and I'd always want to be there to serve and support them.

It's tough being a leader, but this is the reason why I hold on. This is the reason why my goal for the next 60 days is to live a lifestyle of discipline and productivity. Leadership has grown me, and I will always take this path, but I can never do this alone. Pastors could never run a church of over a thousand people alone, and they needed a few hundred leaders.

We NEED your respect, your trust and your support, and I just pray and hope that people in the CG will be willing to make sacrifices and commitments the same way my pastors and leaders did to build this great church. Arise and build, because the harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few... (Matthew 9:37)

It's about others.

E8's blog is up! It's at eHuat.bs and it's alive and active with updates and pictures!

Really love E8 to bits. They're growing so much and I'm just so proud of each and every one of them; God is moving and things are happening in the CG as they stay faithful to what they're doing for God. Keep going guys!

Pastors have always told us: New levels, new devils. Every time we reach another level in God and in life, we face a new set of obstacles which are mostly harder. It's like every other computer games where the difficulty increases by each level. I guess that's what I'm facing now in terms of handling stress and tiredness, and I'm glad to say I'm coping quite well. I'll overcome it!

I'm just happy that more than drawing closer to God, I'm drawing closer to my leaders and people in church again. If you're wondering what's with the countdown to the 60 days, I've actually set a goal to achieve in 2 months (which ends this week!) to be more connected and transparent to my pastors and leaders again. It's a long story how I got quite disconnected a while, but I wanted so much to get back in flow with my pastors and the rest of the church.

I think all of us want to be led by our leaders with joy and not with grief. I think every leader is happy whenever their member is transparent and honest towards them about their thoughts and feelings. Garrett and Jamie were delighted when I took the first step to share with them how I thought and felt, even though certain things might not have been very pleasant towards them. Ever since then, I was so encouraged to be more and more transparent towards them!

Communication, that's what it's about. I'm glad that communication is good in my life right now, with my leaders, with my friends, my family, and last but not least, with my CG members. The same way my leaders felt very happy when I opened up to them, the same way I feel happy whenever any one in E8 shares with me their honest thoughts and feelings, and what they're going through in their lives.

Yes E8, it comforts me to hear from you guys, be it good news or bad. Let's keep this as we grow! If there's one wish I can have which might sound impossible, is that I can still be this close to each and every one of you when we grow to 50 or 60 people... But even if that happens, the least I want to have is that we can still communicate and be open to one another. You guys hold a huge place in my heart and my life. :)

I thank God for actually hearing my personal, casually-mentioned 60-day-goal and taking it seriously. Well, it's time to think for a new one. I wonder...

Keep believing. Keep praying. God is moving in all our lives.

Keep growing. :)

For the beef hor fun. For just dropping by.

Even though you guys have to wake up early the next day for many things.

School, work, bible school, test... My goodness.

And and even though we're all tired from the hectic weekend with Red Rain.

Honestly for the first time after so long, I'm feeling touched.

I really don't know how to respond. Haha. Yeah.

=X

I had a great breakfast with Garrett yesterday. So happy, I've never had such a time with him like this.

I never got to really hear from him first hand about his thoughts and perspective.

This talk really lifted up my level of thinking. Thank you Garrett!

I've never seen it in such a way before. Believing in people...

Believing in people because you want to see them successful.

Believing in people not just to protect them from judgements, but build them to be blameless before men.

Believing in people not just to build those under you, but also alongside and even above you...

God believes in us... Our pastors and leaders believe in all of us.

I thank God for Pastor How and Pastor Lia who has always believed in me.

And I want to show my gratitude in believing in others the same way.

Pastor How said before that their dream was for our dreams to come to pass.

Wow! Because pastors made our dreams come to pass, we made theirs come to pass as well.

Because pastors built our dreams, we are in turn building theirs.

The world is full of people who build their dreams at the expense of people.

We build not just people, but even people's dreams, at the expense of ours...

The world is full of people who just want to be kings of the world.

We would rather be king makers than kings...

Let's build the dreams of others, even if it's at the expense of ours...

Let's build the dream of our pastors to raise up generations who would give their best years to God...

Let's build the dreams of the people around us and help them to reach where they need to go...

Let's build the dreams of the people who are even outside the four walls of this church...

Let's build the dreams of God and others, and He will build ours.

10 days from the 60 day goal.

It's always the darkest before dawn. It WAS the darkest.

I now see the light at the end of this tunnel.

I forgive. I forgive. All of them.

Because He first forgave me.

Freedom at last.

I'm Yours. :)

Well done Gabriel, it's 3pm. HAHAHA.

I need to blog badly.

Just a precaution. This entry is going to be ugly.

Even if I can escape time, I can't escape the hunter. Haha. Okay kidding.

Hunter, boomer, smoker, tank, witch? Yeah yeah think along those lines. HAHA!

Success! I was trying to make you lose that thought pattern you were having =P.

I am irritating. And most of the time, I love it. :)

Well, it's no different in Heart of God Church.

The difference is, we enjoy what we are busy with.

Because our business (busy-ness) is about God and about others, not ourselves.

Yeah! And we love seeing other people being happy and touched with love.

So just a thought... What are you busy with?

Are you busy with the things that matter most to you?

Or are you busy with the things that matter more to other people?

Ivan, you rock man. Haha. This spoke to me a lot. Thanks. :)

And yes, be merciful to people who have yet to learn what Love is all about.

Because even we haven't fully understood yet. We never will.

Whoo! Never forget. Thanks Ivan.

Saw this line in Best Mean Friend's blog and I immediately responded with three amens.

I'm tired of being misunderstood. I'm tired of being judged and stereotyped.

Nah. I shall not whine about the past, but I believe I speak on behalf of many people.

It's not so bad when people expose you of your weakness...

It's only when they link you to another from there and stereotype you.

It's scary how someone simply feeling misunderstood can become an insecure person without convictions.

That's judgement and stereotyping for you.

But I choose to care less about the remarks of others and more about those of God.

Yeah, because only God understands each and every one of us best.

Right or wrong, good or bad, God loves us unconditionally and equally.

God loves us in a way man can never do.

Yes! Recently I feel more on top of things because I'm no long affected by other things.

I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses. I know myself. I am secure.

I don't care what others think of me any more. I still love them and I won't bear grudges or bitterness...

... In fact, I would still hang out with them at times, or even work with them.

They just won't be my closest friends, that's all?

Well yeah, I know who I am.

I am just like any other ordinary person doing the will of God...

I am just like any other ordinary person who has issues and difficulties in life...

I am just like any other ordinary person who has needs that only God can meet...

I am who I am, and I will walk on with God no matter what people say.

Anyway, I had a great day yesterday. Stayed back with E8 to finish the card for Pst Lia, then headed down to the west on our secret mission, only to know our secret wasn't very well kept. HAHA. Argh! We've got to work on our surprises! But at least we managed to make Yan Hui think that we weren't coming already because it was late. Oh please, would we give up that easily? Haha!

So we reached the Pangs' house around 10 plus, close to 11. Had a great and crazy time, and got to see more photos of the Yan sisters when they were young! For their privacy I didn't kop any, but I'll name my top three favourites! HAHA!

1) 6-year-old Yan Zhen falling asleep while... (and the conclusion, that she's been like that ever since!)

2) Yan Rui's primary school class photo (including Miaow Guan! HAHA he looked like malay!)

3) The one on Facebook as well.

Many of us needed to rush for the last bus/train (which we never caught) so we left early, but for Kenneth, Tommy and I who were hungry and could afford to stay a little longer, the Pangs' parents treated us to supper! So paiseh lah! Haha but they were good people to talk to. Their dad was sharing how it was his best birthday gift to see his daughters water baptised together on the same day. They have always been praying for three of them to be more on fire, and really thanked God they are on their way to being so after coming to know us.

I think, it's really God's plan. How Miaow Guan was just advertising Nick Vujicic's event, and it caught Yan Rui's attention. That's when he moved. And I can still recall Miaow Guan telling us during CG the story of how young Yan Rui reached out to him in primary school, and we had a good laugh. Not only she is in the same CG as us, so are her sisters! HAHA! Should I share that story here? I shall seek approval first. HAHA!

Since I'm talking about the Yan sisters, I shall go on. They're in Children's Church! They went for their first CCH meeting last Saturday night. I can't wait to see them start serving God. Exciting!

Speaking of which, Ryan got deployed into Writing ministry as well. Although it wasn't one of his choices, he still went for the Ops GT. I think that is great attitude to have. Many people wouldn't turn up, thinking: "Hey there's a mistake, I never chose that ministry and I'm not interested in it." But Ryan was different, he has always been selfless and others-centered.

I remember being deployed into Live Feed ministry as well. I was loss for words when I had to introduce myself and share why I joined Live Feed. I said I like taking videos. True, but I was really just deployed there. I just didn't want people to think that I was there without making a choice; ultimately, I made a choice and accepted to be put in there. Honestly, I kind of miss doing Live Feed. I do, it was because of Live Feed that I grew and learnt how to have a tough heart and be relaxed in handling tough situations.

Well, what's the past is the past, I'm moving on in God. I just thank God that I kept the anything-and-everything attitude through my walk with Him, because from it I always grew a step higher in God. As a man plans his way, the Lord directs his step. Wherever I'm sent to by my pastors and leaders, I know God has a reason for it. I know it's true every time I look back at my life.

So God, again I say, I'll do anything and everything for You.

Uncomfortable as it may seem, but I'll try. I'll try. Again.

Again and again. I will still try...

... At least, for the sake of seeing others do the same. Yeah.

And I'm so inspired that Ryan did just that.

E8, let's have a great attitude to serve God, in anything and everything.

Let's go wherever we're sent to. For Him. :)

Yes, it's about a recent incident, but it's not about anyone. It's my general opinion only.

On what the incident is, I shan't say. Haha.

But honestly... I'm neutral about it, and thus my entry...

The reason why I ain't taking sides shouldn't be expressed here.

Maybe when the time is right, I would.

Hmm on second thought, maybe not...

Why? Why? Why?

Why are people so uptight about authorities and positions?

Why can't people understand that respect has to be earned?

Why don't they get it, that people respect others not for the title given to them, but the crap they've been through to earn it?

Pastor How says that leadership is influence.

Because without influence in leadership, it is just demanding, forceful and authoritative.

I follow my pastors and leaders because I am influenced by them in a great way.

I am receptive to them because they have enough influence in my life.

If you want to rise in leadership, what is your goal?

Just for people to recognise you and greet you in the right way?

Just so that you have some 'security' to fit in with those higher?

Just for you to have a little more say than the rest?

Just to show that you're right all the time and seemingly doing a great job?

If you want something you've never had before, you've got to do something you've never done before.

If you've never been a leader and you want to be, you've got to earn from the people what you've never had.

What is it for you that people don't see... yet?

Respect? Favour? Dignity? Love? Maturity? Relevance? Understanding? Security?

Then stop talking about your dreams on rising higher when you haven't worked on those!

"The desire of the lazy man kills him, For his hands refuse to labor." - Proverbs 21:25

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

People won't know how much they should respect you until they know how much you respect them.

Leadership is influence.

The beginnings of leadership is wisdom, stature, favour with God and favour with man.

Leadership is never gained just by having a title slapped across you.

Leadership is never gained if people follow your authority but not you.

So relax a little and be nicer, would you?

I believe that way, you'll make a greater leader...