 THE PROTOTYPE 220389 I'm just like you THE LIVE ACTION LEESWEEKEAT THE BITTERSWEET MOMENTS March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 THE REAL WORLD Aaron Cheong Adriena Amandal Annlynn Anthony Benedict Bryan Caiman Carol Chek Yeow Chi Chi Beng Dexter Dinnie Dominic Douglas Evangeline Evi Fion Furong Garrett Grismond Hong Rui Huili Iris Ivan Ivy Jamie Jaslyn Jasmine Jasmin Jeannette Jeremy Quek Jia Yang Jian Hong Jian Ming Joanna Joanne Johnny Jolie Josh Joy Keegan Kenneth Leon Lester Li Yue Liane Lucinda Mark Maryse May Melisa Melvin Miaow Guan Michelle Cheng Michelle Yao Ming Han Minting Mong Nadine Natalia Noni Peck Hoon Qi Wei Ranford Ryan Kumar Sharyl Stella Tommy Valerie Cheong Vanessa Chan Vanessa Han Weijie Wendy Lee Wendy Neo Xinjie Xueli Yan Rui Yan Yun Yassy Yechin Zhuo Xinyi Zoe
|
Thursday, February 28, 2008 @ 1:43 AM
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something "But to him who does not work but believes on Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is accounted for righteousness." - Romans 4:5 I'm a sinner! I admit! I confess! I didn't do much work this week. Especially after my exams, I have been quite slothful. People work? Not much either. More like I didn't know what to do. Ran out of ideas. Seeked God, no answer. Hey! You experienced that too? Well, that's how God works... MYSTERIOUSLY. Okay now I sound backslidden and you may think I'm about to shoot an emo entry. Well, save your breath, I'm as faithfilled as ever. Let me tell you why. Yes, maybe discouragement got the better of me (again!). Maybe I felt disappointed and drained. Stopped praying for two or three days, pray a little again, then stop... Read the Bible a little, read a Christian book a little bit more... Back to dry days and lazy hours... Welcome to my life, especially after exams. Why? Because I don't know what to do, how to do it. I'm shrugging shoulders, out of ideas, don't know what to do any more. Had especially enough of people making matters worse. Not that I don't want to, but I just don't know what to do any more. Of course, I still did the minimum... SMSes, phonecalls, MSN here and there... That's all. No outings, zilch... Tried planning? Yes, and failed once more. Just felt like giving up altogether. My response? "God, this is as far as I can go... I'm sorry, You take it from here." What audacity! But God wasn't upset with that response. In fact, He was happy. In the end, He finished up what I couldn't, and it all happened. Now, E2's one name away from 20 while my team hit 10. What a move! What did I do!? What's the secret recipe!? How did this happen!? Romans 4:5 came back to me. I thought to myself, and I knew that my only conviction is that whatever happens, God is ALWAYS in control. I don't know why, but I just have enough faith to just let it ALL go and know that God is still in control, sometimes letting go too much, and not that I haven't made that mistake before. Well, learn and change. I finally realised what I did. I stopped trying, and I just cried out to God for help. Didn't Pastor How say before? "Prayer is simply 'God, HELP!' " God did help alright. God went the full length and the extra mile. Now, I'll be meeting people whom I don't even expect to see. What did I do? Nothing. I just named them before God, and went to bed. Maybe it might drop again. I don't know. Part of me says that it might just be false hope, yet part of me is eager to keep praying and anticipate when God wants me to make the next move again. Till then, I'm in hope. I know God's at work. I trust His character. Thus, I'm going to pray even more. That the number stays. That the words aren't taken back. That yes means yes, and confirmations will not be broken. That the devil will know that he's not fighting me, nor anyone in the team but God. Who else can it be? Lulu and I were having exams. Yong Sing and Derry are STILL having exams. How is it possible? Faith. Believe. God is at work. I'm touched and in awe of God's subjective love... Sometimes such work is standard, just don't lose heart, don't think too much and do it. I failed to do so, but God still reached out to me. He did the hard part for me and gave it back to me to continue. I feel bad, but I know it's because I have a God that never gives up on me. I know that I am still doing what I do because my pastors and leaders still believe in me, that I can keep learning, changing, and growing. Well, Gabriel 2.0 has just grown in faith. HAHAHA. Romans 4:5. I wasn't very godly, very spiritual and definitely didn't seem righteous. But I just have faith that God doesn't want me to be like this too. I'm a sinner, and I gave up on His task so hard. But He knows me more than I do, and He still knows that I can do it. This is the reason why I will never give up on climbing back up again, to catch pastors' heart, to carry the burden of my pastors and leaders and grow to become a leader again. I have no fear of my visions now. KTL, CGL... The titles are just to name it, but I'm going after the heart behind it. I'm going to continue loving and love more. I'm going to love growing even more. I'm going to love changing and doing every single thing even more. Most importantly, I'm going to love God even more. NO MORE fear of my past mistakes. NO MORE fear of what others might think or say. NO MORE fear of people's unhappiness at my goals, for I'm to please God and not man. NO MORE fear of not being able to. If He believes I can, I believe I can. I'm signing off, getting off my couch and praying for more. God, thank You. Here I am again, SEND ME! :) This is just a sneak preview of E2.0 :) Wednesday, February 27, 2008 @ 12:03 AM
Random Entry Alright, since I think I'm such an irritating person who likes to ject people, I should for once be a laughing stalk for this funny incident because until now, I'm still laughing at myself. Spent the evening tonight with Jia Yang and Jem Quek paying me a visit and having dinner at my place. So random, but this was the best random night I've ever had for a long time. Okay, the funny part: My mother prepared dinner for us too, so she told us. At that time, Jem hasn't arrived yet and Jia Yang and I were just jamming away on our guitars... Jem arrived not long later, and I lent him my guitar while I went to close my Football Manager (because I lost a match)... Jem, as he only picked up guitar recently, was naming the strings as what he could remember: "[E]very [B]ody [G]o [D]own [A]nd [E]at (the note of each string)"... Because I thought Jem didn't know that my mother prepared food, I told him "no haven't yet, my mother's still preparing-" before my brain's lag time ran out and I realised that it wasn't about the dinner. The aftermath, which you can definitely imagine, is Jia Yang's hyenic laughter. Haha, jokes aside, but 'twas a great night. We slacked, joked, laughed, ate, watched Zhang Fei's variety show, played FM, planned our schedule... and last but not least, worshipped God and prayed together. Relaxing, yet productive. Had fun and laughter, and drew the presence of God. Casual gathering, yet leaving with God's Word in our hearts. I wonder where have such fellowship disappeared to? This was so common during the "Henderson Days", where casual outings, gatherings, stayovers were made up of just simple fun and the presence of God... where we'd be enjoying our games, yet there was still time for someone to pick up a guitar and everyone will start worshipping God... where our hearts were simple with one common yet deep hunger for God in our lives... I remember reading an email from Pastor How replying one of my weekly reports: "The bigger the church grows, the smaller it must feel." True enough, we love the smallness... The cosyness of a small group, the comparatively bigger attention we get, the security of being closer to our pastors and leaders... But how long can we just plainly cherish it without cultivating it? Brings back the thought of last Sunday's E Zone Leaders meeting! E Zone 2.0! Leaders 2.0! It's a whole new version, a whole new upgrade, a whole new level to breakthrough. But to think about it, it's not really something new... It's about being that old simplicity and sweetness we had back then which is newer to most of us who joined us later. So what's does the new HOGC 2.0 have? Here's a sneak preview: more simple hearts, more faith, more spiritual hunger, more fear of the Lord, more humble and obedient men and women of God... more of such fellowship where the fun doesn't choke out the desire to connect to God together... more casual outings with deeper talks about God and life... more random picking up of a guitar and "hey, let's pray together!"... That's just a small part, but already mind blowing so imagine the full picture. This is why pastors are so great. It's not just the powerful sermon from the pulpit, nor the capability and stature they hold. It's about the life they live... the randomness of events that happen in the office, their reactions to incidents, their decisiveness towards problems, their subjective love for all of us... Something I'll never forget back at FTMS House, one of my ex-connect group members was at Plaza Singapura and it was raining. Without any other way to return to church, he gave a run for it. Went up the lift and to the toilet, drenched and soaked from head to toe. While drying himself, Pastor How came in. Out of love and concern, Pastor went back to his office and got his PA to lend this guy a dry set of clothes to change before going for service. Can you imagine that guy, "ME? Wearing Pastor's clothes?" Outrageous, extravagant, subjective love... Super powerful and impactful pastors can be found any where, but as loving as ours? I don't think I can find any and I don't want to. How, you ask? How do they do it? Well, simple living of a Christian life. What would a Christian do? What would Jesus do? Love... love him and make sure he goes to service dry and comfortable enough to receive from God's Word clearly... Christianity is not just a commitment. Christianity is a lifestyle. It's not just doing what you have to do in church and when it's all over, we go do what we want to do. It's about living it out. It's about being a Christian every where, and living it out every where. Random worship sessions, random prayers, random deep conversations with people to draw them closer to God, random SMSes to encourage others... Random? Yes, live your lives! But prepare for the unplanned, the random call from above... How to? Simple, don't just be a Christian, live a Christian... I'm a Christian first, then a leader. It goes by that order, and I know those words I just typed out were out of humility. Because I know for sure that I would have never stayed as a leader if I was too proud to let go of that title. But after today's random time with God together with two of my best buddies, I'm convicted to live my life... my Christian life... Jia Yang and Jeremy, thank you for today, the visitation, the encouragement, everything... You guys rock. People like you inspire me to keep on keeping on. Today wasn't necessary, yet to God it was, and God worked through you guys because you guys were just simply living that Christian life... Just fellowshipping together, and also with God. Never would I have this thought if it wasn't for today. I have and had many close Christian friends... but I find ours the best yet so far :) Love you bros man! True Christians don't just talk the Bible and have church responsibilities to attend to... true Christians live Bible and church every second of their lives. "We can preach many sermons, but what Pastor Lia and I really pray for is that our lives inspire you." - Pastor How, from a leadership sermon back in Henderson. It's our turn to live our lives like our pastors and leaders. Let's take the baton from here. Let's run like we've never run before. - E2.0 - Let's take it higher. :) Saturday, February 23, 2008 @ 2:12 AM
Change! (Yes, again) I think many would wonder what happened to all my previous posts. Well, I just cleared them. I don't know why. After changing my blog skin, I think they look very messy here. Oh well, outdated anyway, although some were quite powerful and some I still love a lot, let's move on with life. I went shopping today at Far East... "Whaaaa...? Pardon?" Yes, my friend, Gabriel went S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G. Something new? Get used to it man! Lots of things are going to change around here. Let's just say I'm growing older okay? Maturing and doing more things myself! Haha! For your info, I'm 19 this coming March. 22nd. REMEMBER OKAY? =D Anyway, just a thought that is still in my mind since I was still walking around the shops of that rundown Far East Plaza this evening... I think I've changed a lot. Not the usual change, not another story of how I'm moulded and how much I've grown though it'll be great... But really, I've not only changed, but been through change after change after change. Ever heard of advices coming from people, telling you to be yourself? But how! How to be myself when I don't know myself. I don't know who I really am, what I really like... At some point I will, yet at some point I realise I don't really do... My tastes go from sweet to sour, my interests are all over the place, my favourite colour changes with the temperature... Who am I!? A chameleon perhaps... But you know what? I love it! I don't want to change this. If there's one thing in my life that I don't want to change, it is that I don't want to stop changing. "Huh!?" My point is, I don't want to stop changing! I don't like to be the same. I don't want to grow old being the same person for the next 20 years. I'm happy to look back at all the years of my life, and know that I've changed not just since the day of my salvation, but many other times in my life. I'm not the same this year compared to last year, and I wasn't the same last year compared to the year before, and so on... And I just love it! How boring would life be if you look back at your life and realise you've been the same person, liking everything the same for the past 10 years... Nothing changed, not even interests, not even tastes... You like the same thing over and over again... No new likings, no new found strengths, nothing new at all... BOREDOM! Or maybe it's just me? Maybe I'm just unsettled with my own interests, my own likings... People may find it irritating because I may be unpredictable and indecisive. People may even find me weird! Hard to get me a gift eh? Haha! Well, I don't want that either, and I'll change... But there you go! CHANGE! Don't you have to change too in order to grow? Thus at the same time where I learn to be more in momentum and routines, more predictable as a person, more decisive... I want to be more adaptable, more teachable, more and more willing to change in my heart, thinking, and everything else, even the smallest likes and dislikes... Because I want my value system to match God's! Don't that happen to you sometimes? =P Only a few things I can't change... I can't change God, I can't change church, I can't change pastors! We need to grow to be more like Him, doesn't that require a change? Pastors change over the years... More faithfilled, more spiritual, more anointed, more competent in the world, more loving! So does our leaders! I submit to Wendy partly because I know she has changed and grown tremendously over the years, and there's more than just having lots to learn from her! More than who she is, more than what she knows, more than the fact that she's a girl, more than the fact that I was in church before her, or was a leader before her... I am still submissive and accountable to her! Only God never changes. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. But we're no gods. We're not in control. It's not up to us in this life. It's up to Him. He wants us to change, He wants us to be different. So I'll keep changing, through the months, years, decades and until I reach the mark God has set for me, I'll never stop changing. I want more of God, I want more of Him in my life... I want to be more like Jesus! I want to learn what He loves and hates, then I want to love what He loves and hate what He hates... I want to be like my pastors and my leaders, I want to flow with them... And if it requires all the change in the world, from the biggest of character issues, to the smallest of interests, I'm willing to. So change me. Cuz I don't want to be the same. |