It's just so hard to trust again.

Maybe I just need the faith to do so.

I want to though. How?

I want back the life I've always dreamt of.

Yet, with these relationships I cherish dearly.

I'm glad both are complimentary.

For E8, I will soar higher... I will. I am willing.

I just want to see each and every one of them grow in God and rise to their purpose.

So I will grow even more in God!

And I know it's just these few complex areas that I need to make right with God in order to breakthrough.

Yeah!

I don't want to grow in God just to be the most talked about leader.

Or just for pastors to talk about me from the pulpit, or for zone leaders to do the same in their meetings.

The title? The glam? The fame? Deep down inside I don't want all that.

I just want to see more lives changed by God, more people coming to God, and less to no one walking away.

That's still my ultimate dream and goal as a Christian.

Become an SCGL before going army? Become a ZM before 21?

Lead a hundred people? Be on full-time staff after graduating?

I'll rejoice in the Lord if those come to past, but if they don't, it doesn't matter really matter.

Not as much as simply being a good testimony of God for others to follow.

Not as much as being a Christian without the 7 things people hate.

Not as much as taking extra miles to bring God's love to people.

Because I know, If I'm not ready to take these big responsibilities, I'd rather not.

I walk in God's plans and God's pace for my life.

If I'm not ready for these, I know I will still love...

Love God, pastors, people (E8 included!), life.

I am a Christian first, then a leader.