 THE PROTOTYPE 220389 I'm just like you THE LIVE ACTION LEESWEEKEAT THE BITTERSWEET MOMENTS March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 THE REAL WORLD Aaron Cheong Adriena Amandal Annlynn Anthony Benedict Bryan Caiman Carol Chek Yeow Chi Chi Beng Dexter Dinnie Dominic Douglas Evangeline Evi Fion Furong Garrett Grismond Hong Rui Huili Iris Ivan Ivy Jamie Jaslyn Jasmine Jasmin Jeannette Jeremy Quek Jia Yang Jian Hong Jian Ming Joanna Joanne Johnny Jolie Josh Joy Keegan Kenneth Leon Lester Li Yue Liane Lucinda Mark Maryse May Melisa Melvin Miaow Guan Michelle Cheng Michelle Yao Ming Han Minting Mong Nadine Natalia Noni Peck Hoon Qi Wei Ranford Ryan Kumar Sharyl Stella Tommy Valerie Cheong Vanessa Chan Vanessa Han Weijie Wendy Lee Wendy Neo Xinjie Xueli Yan Rui Yan Yun Yassy Yechin Zhuo Xinyi Zoe
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Thursday, February 28, 2008 @ 1:43 AM
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something "But to him who does not work but believes on Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is accounted for righteousness." - Romans 4:5 I'm a sinner! I admit! I confess! I didn't do much work this week. Especially after my exams, I have been quite slothful. People work? Not much either. More like I didn't know what to do. Ran out of ideas. Seeked God, no answer. Hey! You experienced that too? Well, that's how God works... MYSTERIOUSLY. Okay now I sound backslidden and you may think I'm about to shoot an emo entry. Well, save your breath, I'm as faithfilled as ever. Let me tell you why. Yes, maybe discouragement got the better of me (again!). Maybe I felt disappointed and drained. Stopped praying for two or three days, pray a little again, then stop... Read the Bible a little, read a Christian book a little bit more... Back to dry days and lazy hours... Welcome to my life, especially after exams. Why? Because I don't know what to do, how to do it. I'm shrugging shoulders, out of ideas, don't know what to do any more. Had especially enough of people making matters worse. Not that I don't want to, but I just don't know what to do any more. Of course, I still did the minimum... SMSes, phonecalls, MSN here and there... That's all. No outings, zilch... Tried planning? Yes, and failed once more. Just felt like giving up altogether. My response? "God, this is as far as I can go... I'm sorry, You take it from here." What audacity! But God wasn't upset with that response. In fact, He was happy. In the end, He finished up what I couldn't, and it all happened. Now, E2's one name away from 20 while my team hit 10. What a move! What did I do!? What's the secret recipe!? How did this happen!? Romans 4:5 came back to me. I thought to myself, and I knew that my only conviction is that whatever happens, God is ALWAYS in control. I don't know why, but I just have enough faith to just let it ALL go and know that God is still in control, sometimes letting go too much, and not that I haven't made that mistake before. Well, learn and change. I finally realised what I did. I stopped trying, and I just cried out to God for help. Didn't Pastor How say before? "Prayer is simply 'God, HELP!' " God did help alright. God went the full length and the extra mile. Now, I'll be meeting people whom I don't even expect to see. What did I do? Nothing. I just named them before God, and went to bed. Maybe it might drop again. I don't know. Part of me says that it might just be false hope, yet part of me is eager to keep praying and anticipate when God wants me to make the next move again. Till then, I'm in hope. I know God's at work. I trust His character. Thus, I'm going to pray even more. That the number stays. That the words aren't taken back. That yes means yes, and confirmations will not be broken. That the devil will know that he's not fighting me, nor anyone in the team but God. Who else can it be? Lulu and I were having exams. Yong Sing and Derry are STILL having exams. How is it possible? Faith. Believe. God is at work. I'm touched and in awe of God's subjective love... Sometimes such work is standard, just don't lose heart, don't think too much and do it. I failed to do so, but God still reached out to me. He did the hard part for me and gave it back to me to continue. I feel bad, but I know it's because I have a God that never gives up on me. I know that I am still doing what I do because my pastors and leaders still believe in me, that I can keep learning, changing, and growing. Well, Gabriel 2.0 has just grown in faith. HAHAHA. Romans 4:5. I wasn't very godly, very spiritual and definitely didn't seem righteous. But I just have faith that God doesn't want me to be like this too. I'm a sinner, and I gave up on His task so hard. But He knows me more than I do, and He still knows that I can do it. This is the reason why I will never give up on climbing back up again, to catch pastors' heart, to carry the burden of my pastors and leaders and grow to become a leader again. I have no fear of my visions now. KTL, CGL... The titles are just to name it, but I'm going after the heart behind it. I'm going to continue loving and love more. I'm going to love growing even more. I'm going to love changing and doing every single thing even more. Most importantly, I'm going to love God even more. NO MORE fear of my past mistakes. NO MORE fear of what others might think or say. NO MORE fear of people's unhappiness at my goals, for I'm to please God and not man. NO MORE fear of not being able to. If He believes I can, I believe I can. I'm signing off, getting off my couch and praying for more. God, thank You. Here I am again, SEND ME! :) This is just a sneak preview of E2.0 :) |