I think as I keep walking this journey with God, I just realise that there is still so much to understand. It's ironic how we know things around us are complicated, yet we still look for the easy way out of everything. And then we ask: "Why can't people/things just be simple?"

So what if we are leaders? Even if we have the authority to speak into people's lives, even if we have empathy and perfect understanding of their situation, even if we have earned their trust and total respect... What gain is there if we spare them of the love that requires much of us?

To burst the damn bubble, there is no shortcut in love. Love suffers long (1 Corinthians 13:4), and it bears, believes, hopes and endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:7). So, we can talk about how much we love people. But think about it, when we tell someone we love them, do they feel that we are patient with them? Do they feel that we are bearing their burdens and issues with them? Do they really know that we believe in them? Do we see hope in them? Are they assured that they are strong enough to last this tough time?

Pastor How once told us that this ministry is grown by love, not people work. If people's problems, burdens, issues in life are seen as work, then people will never grow. Love is the essential factor for growth. Without love, no ministry can grow, let alone pastoral. Without love, E8 would never have grown from 5 to 10, from 10 to 20, and soon from 20 to 40, and to 60. :)

As a leader, what more a CGL, I want to love. I think I'm more excited about bringing God's love to people more than being able to disciple them, pray over them and say something powerful to impact their lives... I believe people are more impacted and touched when they feel God's love, and what more from their leaders. I would rather be known as a caring and approachable friend more than a firm leader. I'd compromise that strong front anytime.

Well that's me. This is something about me that will never change when I rise up and grow from a leader of 20 to a leader of 60, or when I get promoted from CGL to SCGL or ZM... Regardless of number or title, I will always be who I am. I never want to be too 'leader-ish' that people dare not be too honest and transparent with me about their lives. I never want to be distant from people I'm leading, in fact, I want to be so close to them and be able to connect them to God and pastors too.

Besides, I remember how it was pastors who loved us first before they spoke into our lives. If pastors did that, how different can it be for us?

Relationships. That's what is still all about, isn't it? Even with God it is. What else can it be with people?

Yes, life isn't that simple, but love is. Why do people chase after the oh-so-powerful gifts and mysteries, when the greatest gift of love is something all of us can possess and pass on regardless of spiritual level?

Love. It's the greatest thing you can ever do.

God is Love. It's the greatest relationship you can ever have.

This is Kenneth from E8, serving in Photography and Usher, studying in Simei ITE in his second year now. He is currently in our church's AMT(A) as I type this, and he's in for a big surprise when it's over. :)

I am so proud of him, and this entry is about how proud I am of him. LOL! After all that he has been through in his past, being looked down on in his family and outcasted in school just because he seemed too playful and immature of his age, which is what many people would call "weird".

Kenneth had a hard time gaining acceptance and favour from others even when he came to church. BUT God is faithful. As Kenneth was always faithful and humble towards God and his pastors and leaders, he has always welcomed discipleship and correction even at times when he doesn't feel like it, especially when he was going through some hard times with his family. Kenneth never fails to step back and evaluate himself from every experience he has!

Thus, God sees Kenneth's attitude. Even while he's on attachment now which takes up a lot of his time for church, it didn't take up his hunger for more of God in his life. Aside from just coming for services every week, he would read books and listen to sermons from CHC website and other pastors like Joel Osteen. Although he isn't progressing as much in his ministries right as of now, he is definitely growing tremendously in God while He is moulding and changing his character for the better!

The real test came when last weekend, he received an SMS that he has been selected to go for AMT(A)! He came to me with mixed feelings of excitement and stress. He was quite anxious about how he had to take leave for two days from his work, while he had three projects at hand and an unreasonable boss. However, he came up with a solution: OT on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday to complete the projects as much as possible, so that when he takes leave on both Thursday and Friday for AMT(A), neither his boss nor his colleagues have much to say about taking leave for church stuff! I'm really happy to say that he has done that and is now at AMT(A)!

I believe God will use him more mightily more than in church, but in his family and his school, to be a great testimony so that people will know how good God is! I see Kenneth one day being a great leader in church, both in ops and pastoral side. Weird? Not anymore. :)

1 Corinthians 1:26-31

I'll be straightforward for once. Or rather, for a few times... Or maybe, this is one of the many times... BAH! I AM going to be straightforward! HAHA!

Well nothing to be angry about, or no one to flame at, but I just want to tell you how stressed out and tough it is to be a leader. I have never felt this way for very long. I have never expected myself to face so many problems. I have never thought that it'll be this hard. Maybe, it was easier when the CG was small, but now, I can't deny that we're no longer small and new any more. :)

I used to think that the most important thing as a leader that most lack, or even as a strong and on-fire christian, is favour with men. Many do not have, but those who do go far in their walk with God, especially in the area of their leadership. Yes, everything rises and falls on leadership, but it seemed like the foundation of that leadership was mostly authority rather than influence.

Leadership IS influence, NOT authority, and as I grew as a new leader (again), I always kept that in my heart, and determined that I shall always lead people by my influence more than my authority. That's what my pastors do. That's why in Heart of God church, there's true freedom, and we never go further than education and empowerment. That's why I love my pastors, and I knew that's the same kind of favour I need among people in order to be influential.

However, I realised it's more than just favour that we need as we grow as christian leaders.

1) More than just favour, we need RESPECT.

"We cannot please everyone. Therefore I don't want everybody to like me, but rather I want everybody to respect me." These were the powerful words of my pastor when he talked about how we should please God and serve man, not the other way round.

Respect, and nothing less. I hate it when people are disrespected; I hate it when I see someone seen lesser than they should be seen in any way. I don't care who you are, but I am who I am too, and you'd better not push me around. That's the kind of convictions and character that we need to have. I AM WHO I AM. When you're confident and secure in who you are, people will respect you even if they don't like you. Insecurity may get people's attention and even their favour, but it never makes you respectable in the end.

2) More than just favour, we need TRUST.

A great leader once said that relationships are built on trust. How true is that! No relationship can last without trust, whether is it with family, friends, or even your spouse. If you won't trust me, I won't know you. I can never have any kind of relationship with you, or needless to say, even influence you.

There are people who trust too easily, and many say it's bad thing. Well, I'm one of those people, and I don't see it that way. I'd rather trust and believe in people who may not be that trustworthy, and letting myself be vulnerable to feeling hurt or disappointed, than never giving people a chance. I always believe in the people in E8, because I see each and every one of their potential, and I know God has a great plan for every individual life. That's where my trust comes from. It is trust that releases faith in someone, knowing that he or she is being believed in and supported. It is trust that my pastors and leaders had with me, that brought me to where I am today. It is trust from people, that probably you are where you are today. Trust God, trust pastors, your leaders, your CG, and damn it, believe in them like how they do in you!

3) More than just favour, we need SUPPORT.

"Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you." (Hebrews 13:17)

Let your leaders lead you with joy, and not with grief. I am always very touched when my leaders tell me that I'm a joy to lead, very much because of my revelation of this verse. Yes, share the burden of your leaders and support them, and not be the burden. One thing I never want to be to my pastors and leaders right now is a burden to them.

As we experience this season in life, and grow to a new level in God, change is necessary. Personally for me, I used to think favour is important. However, it's not as important whether you like me now, as it is to whether you respect, trust and even want to support me as your leader. E8, we are growing, we are moving on, and we are breaking through to greater heights in God. I NEED people who can not only respect me, believe in me or even share the burden with me, but also do the same for my pastors and leaders, because ultimately, I'm doing it for them. I respect them, I trust them, and I'd always want to be there to serve and support them.

It's tough being a leader, but this is the reason why I hold on. This is the reason why my goal for the next 60 days is to live a lifestyle of discipline and productivity. Leadership has grown me, and I will always take this path, but I can never do this alone. Pastors could never run a church of over a thousand people alone, and they needed a few hundred leaders.

We NEED your respect, your trust and your support, and I just pray and hope that people in the CG will be willing to make sacrifices and commitments the same way my pastors and leaders did to build this great church. Arise and build, because the harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few... (Matthew 9:37)

It's about others.

E8's blog is up! It's at eHuat.bs and it's alive and active with updates and pictures!

Really love E8 to bits. They're growing so much and I'm just so proud of each and every one of them; God is moving and things are happening in the CG as they stay faithful to what they're doing for God. Keep going guys!

Pastors have always told us: New levels, new devils. Every time we reach another level in God and in life, we face a new set of obstacles which are mostly harder. It's like every other computer games where the difficulty increases by each level. I guess that's what I'm facing now in terms of handling stress and tiredness, and I'm glad to say I'm coping quite well. I'll overcome it!

I'm just happy that more than drawing closer to God, I'm drawing closer to my leaders and people in church again. If you're wondering what's with the countdown to the 60 days, I've actually set a goal to achieve in 2 months (which ends this week!) to be more connected and transparent to my pastors and leaders again. It's a long story how I got quite disconnected a while, but I wanted so much to get back in flow with my pastors and the rest of the church.

I think all of us want to be led by our leaders with joy and not with grief. I think every leader is happy whenever their member is transparent and honest towards them about their thoughts and feelings. Garrett and Jamie were delighted when I took the first step to share with them how I thought and felt, even though certain things might not have been very pleasant towards them. Ever since then, I was so encouraged to be more and more transparent towards them!

Communication, that's what it's about. I'm glad that communication is good in my life right now, with my leaders, with my friends, my family, and last but not least, with my CG members. The same way my leaders felt very happy when I opened up to them, the same way I feel happy whenever any one in E8 shares with me their honest thoughts and feelings, and what they're going through in their lives.

Yes E8, it comforts me to hear from you guys, be it good news or bad. Let's keep this as we grow! If there's one wish I can have which might sound impossible, is that I can still be this close to each and every one of you when we grow to 50 or 60 people... But even if that happens, the least I want to have is that we can still communicate and be open to one another. You guys hold a huge place in my heart and my life. :)

I thank God for actually hearing my personal, casually-mentioned 60-day-goal and taking it seriously. Well, it's time to think for a new one. I wonder...

Keep believing. Keep praying. God is moving in all our lives.

Keep growing. :)

For the beef hor fun. For just dropping by.

Even though you guys have to wake up early the next day for many things.

School, work, bible school, test... My goodness.

And and even though we're all tired from the hectic weekend with Red Rain.

Honestly for the first time after so long, I'm feeling touched.

I really don't know how to respond. Haha. Yeah.

=X

I had a great breakfast with Garrett yesterday. So happy, I've never had such a time with him like this.

I never got to really hear from him first hand about his thoughts and perspective.

This talk really lifted up my level of thinking. Thank you Garrett!

I've never seen it in such a way before. Believing in people...

Believing in people because you want to see them successful.

Believing in people not just to protect them from judgements, but build them to be blameless before men.

Believing in people not just to build those under you, but also alongside and even above you...

God believes in us... Our pastors and leaders believe in all of us.

I thank God for Pastor How and Pastor Lia who has always believed in me.

And I want to show my gratitude in believing in others the same way.

Pastor How said before that their dream was for our dreams to come to pass.

Wow! Because pastors made our dreams come to pass, we made theirs come to pass as well.

Because pastors built our dreams, we are in turn building theirs.

The world is full of people who build their dreams at the expense of people.

We build not just people, but even people's dreams, at the expense of ours...

The world is full of people who just want to be kings of the world.

We would rather be king makers than kings...

Let's build the dreams of others, even if it's at the expense of ours...

Let's build the dream of our pastors to raise up generations who would give their best years to God...

Let's build the dreams of the people around us and help them to reach where they need to go...

Let's build the dreams of the people who are even outside the four walls of this church...

Let's build the dreams of God and others, and He will build ours.

10 days from the 60 day goal.

It's always the darkest before dawn. It WAS the darkest.

I now see the light at the end of this tunnel.

I forgive. I forgive. All of them.

Because He first forgave me.

Freedom at last.